Table of contents

Don’t trust the bitch pr.1

Curing moralism one crime at a time

Our story begins with a strange proposition: Having your roommate have sex with your fiancé on your birthday cake is the best thing in your life & yet that is a life worth living. This is an apt summation of the problem of New York City. This roommate is Chloe, yet another one of the villains intent on educating the heroes which populate our stories. But this is a comedy & she is an apparition, as beautiful as vulgarity can be.

Chloe is not a typical New Yorker, but she may be one of the exemplars of the city. A lot about her is typical, though: Like all denizens of great cities, she is unflappable, or thinks she is. This suggests in what her education consists: Abusing moralism until a basic grasp of reality becomes again possible. She was not born in the city, but she was a criminal as soon as she could be, so you could call her an honorary New Yorker.

She calls the city a huge digestive system. This may mean that there is no common good, no justice. The hopeful are chewed up & spat out. She does her part & calls it humanitarianism. Practically, this means telling the heroine she stole her money, prancing around naked, & barging in on her in the bathroom.

So she is serious about humanitarianism. Thieves steal stuff; she humiliates her victims, to teach them a lesson. She does not punish for objectionable reasons, like the laws do, somewhat perversely. Her lesson is: Don’t trust people. She knows people do not take advice, so she proves to them that crime pays & criminals thrive while the righteous bleed. This is a very necessary teaching, it would seem, in our latter days. She takes roommates & schools them in a way American colleges cannot.

Down the hall from Chloe lives one of the girls whose fortune she stole with her roommate scam. Robin is slavishly in love with Chloe. She warns the newcomer not to trust the bitch in apartment 23. This may be self-serving – she only wants to be scammed again. But maybe she is aware that this enslavement is something of which to beware. She works in a hospital – though she lost such a job because of Chloe – & she once worked as a P.A. throwing champagne at Chloe in a rap video. Also, Chloe gets a black boy drunk to get him to tell her secrets.

In the building across lives a health inspector, Eli, who dresses very correctly & also masturbates at the sight of sweaty girls; it would seem like the imagination of the thing might suffice, except that it may lead to self-loathing.

The funniest show on TV. See it.