Table of contents

Fast Five

Muscle cars & related vices

That movie about the really fast cars & really bad attitudes – it’s back. Just to make things clear, this time the snotty FBI agent breaks a 25-to-life man out of the bus sending him to jail. & just so you know, it involves explosions, but nobody dies. As it turns out, these people know the consequences of their actions. Then they disappear to Brazil. No US extradition treaty.

There is a Machiavellian bad guy who says fraud is preferable to force. – Perhaps; but his kind underestimate what crazy men can accomplish with enough determination & lack of perspective. Perhaps expensive clothes & women conceal the things that drive people over edge. Yeah, there are betrayals left & right; & soon enough you wonder whether there’s honor among thieves; but at least these crazy men are not organized.

Then mercenaries come up, ready to kill, never anxious, unhesitating. You may think that they dispense justice, but they are maybe too efficient & undignified. At least the criminals have a high opinion of these guys. You want to hear this said about The Rock: This guy’s Old Testament. Blood, bullets, wrath of God: That’s the style. They call him Hobbs.

Vin Diesel has got that thousand-yard stare down to an art by now, so you get to see one of the contenders for most despondent actor in Hollywood. Then you get to see him fight The Rock, which replaces cars in this movie. At first, they assemble a huge team, which seems to be popular nowadays, however impractical it is, but then it comes down to a couple of guys, because the plot has to come to a resolution somehow.

All in all, the girls are beautiful & the cars rather impressive, not to mention powerful. But the cars are a magnet for bullets & fast women. Apparently, some people are just criminals. They like it; they can get away with it; they can make money out of it. There is nothing civilized life can offer them – if you want to make crime seem attractive, you could learn a few things. Sure, you get some people killed & you have to kill others, but things could be worse. You might be working for a living…

Then the girl gets pregnant & this family of miscreants has to consider the endgame. Family requires trust & safety. The guys talk about their fathers; as usual, the white kid was neglected & so he turned FBI / criminal. The non-white, on the other hand, actually liked his father & always says grace before eating. Sure, he cannot live in America anymore, being crazy; but he would probably feel more at home away from civilization anyway.